You're Fighting Over ME?!?!

You're Fighting Over ME????

     Sunny days in Hueco Mundo are hard to come by, unless they're from the fake sky in Las Noches. Strangely enough, the moon was shining very bright that day in Hueco Mundo, turning night into almost-day. Sadly, although many were enjoying this unusual bout of moonshine, two rather testosterone-filled males were having a go at it onthe middle of the desert. The two males? Ichigo Kurosaki and Ulquiorra Cifer.
     The main puzzle was, who were they fighting over?! Amazingly, it was none other than large-boobed, kind-hearted, terrible-cook Orihime Inoue. Of course, she didn't know that they were fighting over her. She didn't even know they were fighting.
     Ichigo was wearing his hollow mask and in Bankai, while Ulquiorra was on his second release. Both were bleeding profusely, the blood glowing a dark red in the moonshine.
     Before we go forward, we must go back. Why exactly were those two, who'd already made up, fighting over a single girl? The answer lies in a conversation they were having one day, as they thought about who they loved...
     "I love you Orihi—forget it." Ichigo's sudden outburst drew Ulquiorra's attention.
      As he stared at Ichigo, the full implications of what Ichigo had just said hit him. Ulquiorra was furious. "Fight me! A battle of supremacy for dear Orihime!"
     "There's no way I'm fighting you again, you emo-bat-boy!!!"
     Ulquiorra glared at Ichigo. "It is over the matter of love," he stated simply.
     "What's this all about?" Ichigo was panicked. "You're too emo to know what love is!!!"
     At this, Ulquiorra was horrified. "I can't let you take Orihime away!!!" he shouted frantically.
     "...You're insane."
     "How dare you! I will win, and you'll never take Orihime away from me again!!! Never!!!!!!"
     "I don't even want to fight with an emo like you!!!"
     "Noooo!!! How will I stake my claim on Orihime if we don't fight?!?"
     "First of all, she doesn't even belong with you!!! Emo and cheerful are not compatible!!!"
     Staring down at the laptop on his lap, Ulquiorra came close to shedding tears. "But that's what all the fans said, so I assumed it must be true..."
     Ichigo's face was one of unparalleled shock. "You believe the fans?!?!"
     "Of course!!!"
     Ichigo facepalmed. "If the fans decided that you and Grimmjow made a great couple, would you try to become his boyfriend?"
     "Of course not!!" Ulquiorra exclaimed in disgust.
     "There you go!!! You don't have to follow what the fans say!!!"
     There was silence between them, while Ulquiorra browsed his fan site. Looking through an interesting thread, he realized that many people hated Ichigo's Vasto Lorde form, saying Ulquiorra would've win if Ichigo hadn't just jumped to that powerful phase. Upon seeing this, Ulquiorra gained new courage.
     "You!!!! I would've won if you hadn't just gone into Vasto Lorde form!!! You had to become a hollow yourself to beat a hollow!!! Proof that Shinigami are inferior!!!"
     Ichigo glared. "Who said I wanted to fight again with an emo such as you?!"
     Ulquiorra's face became as stormy as physically possible. "Shinigami die easier!!!"
     "Oh yeah? Prove it, emo-bat-boy!!!"
     "If a certain Strawberry-boy wasn't so afraid to fight me, I would!!!"
     "Who said I was AFRAID?!?!" By now, both of then were standing up, shouting at each other.
     "Well, since the Carrot-top denies wishing to fight me, there's no possibility for me to prove my point!!! So there!!!"
     "CARROT-TOP?!?!?!? NOBODY calls me 'Carrot-top!!!!!!!!!'"
     Grimmjow walked into his living room, drawn by the loud voices. "Calm down, guys!" (He was in a hippie phase.) "Cant we just make peace and be fr—"
     "SHUT UP!!!!!!! WE'RE TRYING TO HAVE AN ARGUMENT!!!!!!!" Poor Grimmkitty was blown back by the force of their shouts. He tumbled out of the room and ran to the kitchen, where he began busily making a tuna fish sandwich to calm his nerves.
     Being male as they were, they were both riled up and angry. One thing led to another, and soon they had chosen their battleground and were fighting for supremacy. As they fought, they traded insults in between blows.
     "Are you weakening, Carrot-top? That last Getsuga Tensho felt like a mild breeze blowing through my wings."
     "Shove it, emo-bat-boy! If anything, I think it's YOU that's weakening! Have you seen your Ceros? Even your 'ultimate' Cero Oscuras is barely causing any damage!!!"
     "You bluff, Strawberry-boy! You are definitely weakening from the force of my blows. Soon, we'll see who wins! The last one to fall will be the victor!!!"
     And so they fought on...and on...and on...their blows got weaker and weaker, until Ichigo was just wildly swinging Zangetsu at Ulquiorra, while the other's tail whipped around lazily with barely enough force to injure a baby. Yet still they fought, with seemingly no end. The day of moonshine ended, and soon they were fighting in the dark night by the light of a crescent moon. Ichigo's shoulders ached with a burning pain, while he had numerous deep cuts and slashes on his legs and torso. Ulquiorra's hands were bleeding badly from blocking Zangetsu, while he only had one and a half wings left. They were both in bad condition, but neither would back down.
     Finally, exhausted beyond belief, they collapsed at exactly the same nanosecond, hitting the sand at the same time. A scouting unit from Aizen found them and carried them back to Hueco Mundo. Once Orihime heard of their condition, she raced away from her cooking to look upon them both and care for them. But their battle wasn't over yet...They were just resting up to fight again in the future.