Some Things... (1)

Some Things...

     It was a fine day in Soul Society. Birds were chirping, people were laughing, Mayuri Kurotsuchi wasn't sticking his little white nose into everybody's business...
     Hold on. Ichigo did a double take. Where was Mayuri? Where was the annoying heartless captain of Squad 12? Suddenly worried, he went off to find Renji, who was obsessed in a game of chess with Shuuhei, in which he was slowly losing.
     "Renji!" called Ichigo. Unfortunately, he'd miscalculated the intensity of his voice (however you do that) and the distance he was from Renji. As a result, he basically shouted into Renji's ear, making him jump and move the wrong piece the wrong way. Shuuhei laughed loudly.
     "You idiot, Renji! Now I'm definitely going to win! You don't have a baby's chance in Hueco Mundo!" (I kid you not, those were his exact words.) Renji did a double take, jumping off the ground and checking the board. At the sight of his now imminent non-victory, Renji's face became almost as red as his hair.
     "NO WAY!!! That doesn't count! Ichigo *insert vaporizing glare* just scared me halfway to the Soul King, and you call that a real move? CHEATER!!!!"
     Shuuhei just sat back smugly. "I think you're the one who's the real cheater, Abarai Fuku-Taichou. Calling a foul on a real play...tsk tsk!!!" In which ensued a ferocious shouting match between the two. Ichigo stood beside them, looking annoyedly amused. Just then a very familiar figure shuffled out of Shuuhei's temporary hut-residence-house-thing.
     Hisagi took one look and grew pale. "KIRA!!! What in Yamamoto's Awkward Scar are you doing here?!?!? I told you to stay inside!!!"
      Kira rubbed his oh-so-emo head sleepily. "Hisagi-san...Can't you guys keep quiet? I'm trying to get some sleep...last night was really tiring...I don't understand how you can stay awake all day after all that mmgmmph—!" Kira's next words had been muffled by Shuuhei, who looked scandalized. Renji grinned evilly.
     "Don't worry, 'Hisagi-san', your secret's safe with me!" Immediately Shuuhei waved his hands around, trying to get his dignity back. In doing so, he knocked over one of his chess pieces, making the stupidest move in the history of chess. Seeing his chance, Renji moved his knight and wih dramatic flair, kicked Shuuhei's king off the board. "It appears that I win."
     Leaving Shuuhei with his bruised pride and streaming tears, Renji walked away. Ichigo trailed after, trying to hide his snickers. Once they were out of earshot, he and Renji broke into loud guffaws.
     "DID YOU SEE THE LOOK ON HIS FACE?!?!"
     "And then when you killed his king—"
     "It was so worth it!"
     Once their laughing fit had passed, Ichigo remembered why he'd gone to find Renji in the first place.
     "Hey Renji. There's a reason why I went over to see you..."
     Renji nodded, taking a slightly crumpled sandwich out from his front pocket. "Spit it out," he said, taking a large bite out of it.
     "Well—" But before Ichigo could start in on his suspicions, he was interrupted by a sharp whistle. Our of the shadows of a nearby building stepped an amazingly hot woman with deep blue hair followed by a rather shy-looking teenage boy carrying a clipboard. Strangely enough, the woman was wearing the Squad 12 captain's haori.
     Ichigo and Renji stood up. Seeig that Renji was inconvenienced by the sandwich in his mouth, Ichigo spoke. "Who the hell are you? Why are you wearing a captain's haori, and more specifically, why Squad 12's? What did you do to Mayuri?"
     The woman sneered. "I never knew you were so concerned about my welfare, Kurosaki Ichigo. Perhaps there is something you'd like to admit?" Once they heard that voice, both Ichigo's and Renji's jaws dropped, Renji accidentally spitting some of his sandwich out in the process. They would recognize that voice anywhere, even if it WAS feminized. The strangely hot woman wearing the captain's haori was none other than a female version of Mayuri Kurotsuchi, and that young boy following had to be Nemu!!!